Today’s Two Mothers: Mother and Stepmother

New York, NY--- Happy Mothers’ Day…flowers, candy, breakfast in bed are presented to the queen of the castle of the American Family. But, let’s take a look at that family now. Our society is plagued by divorce. Families are fractured and not functioning as they once did. In fact, Mothers’ Day is confused by the fact that in most families, there is not one mother but two – mother and stepmother.

Mother’s Day has become a holiday of anxiety for stepmothers.  Biological mothers usually receive the children on Mother’s Day. However, the stepmother worries about whether or not she will be appreciated on Mothers’ Day. Sadly, it is the norm that many stepmothers who have devoted time and energy to their stepchildren often receive nothing on Mothers’ Day. 

We hear sadness, anxiety, and disappointment among the many stepmothers we counsel.  These women are often “forgotten mothers” on Mothers’ Day. 

Generally, the blame lies not with the children but with the father who has failed to help his children to get something for both mother and stepmother. Flowers, making a card, or some form of acknowledgement would do. In intact families, fathers generally remind the kids. Now in the age of divorce, this seldom happens.

Tips:

• Be respectful.
• If possible, Mother and stepmother need to learn to work together. It will help you with the children.
• To stop the confusion around Mothers’ Day, the father must help to see that the two mothers in his children’s life are appreciated.