Below is an article from the Wall Street Journal that explains the benefits of children doing chores:
http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-children-need-chores-1426262655?KEYWORDS=chores
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Chores create the vital teamwork essential to the functioning of the stepfamily. They create self esteem, responsibility, organizational skills and more. We have been assigning chores for three decades.
Below is an article from the Wall Street Journal that explains the benefits of children doing chores: http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-children-need-chores-1426262655?KEYWORDS=chores She speaks 25,000 words per day.She feels that asking for directions creates a relationship with the person she’s talking to. Women communicate to affiliate.
A woman needs to feel that he cares about her to be loved. She speaks her thoughts in order to know what he feels. She feels to listen is to learn, and makes as many comments as possible. She interrupts to signal understanding. He speaks 12,500 words per day. Often, when he gets home, he’s out of words. He believes only the lower ranking male asks for directions when lost. Men communicate to establish hierarchy A man needs to feel good about himself to love. He thinks silently and alone. He feels listening is subordinate and responds less. He interrupts to establish dominance. Attention all Stepfamily Certified Counselors and Coaches :
If you have been certified by the Stepfamily Foundation in the last 5 years, please complete the survey below: http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07eai45p5di5odk0pw/start 10 Steps For the New Year
By: Jeannette Lofas, LCSW, Ph.D Our Resolutions We: 1. Honor our Differences 2. Show respect for one another 3. Have good manners 4. Use the “My Reality is System” to settle disagreements 5. Carefully define and perform our Roles in the stepfamily 6. Have consistent and predictable House Rules 7. Focus on the positive and carefully handle the negative 8. Create new family rituals 9. Guard our sense of humor and have fun 10.Continue to learn and honor the mysteries of “the stepfamily” 10 Steps for Hunukkah
By Jeannette Lofas, PhD, LCSW Happy holidays to the stepfamily. Stay warm and stay safe this holiday. Here are 10 tips for stepfamilies this holiday season. Holidays are stressful for anyone, but this time of year can be particularly difficult for divorced or stepfamilies. Of the 83.5 million households in America, close to 70 percent of them are divorced and/or step families. 1. Just three little words: Plan, Plan, and Plan. Chaos kills the celebration. The couple needs to plan even the smallest of holiday gatherings. Discuss the plan in detail. Map out procedures for arrivals, pick ups expected behaviors, dress, manners, chores, lighting the menorah, seating at dinner and departure times. Go over plans with the other biological parent (ex spouse), 2. Partner: Build couple strength. Remember, the couple comes first. The couple in the house is the “pillar” which holds up the family. If the couple is weak, so is the family structure. No commitment is made to any family members before the couple has agreed. Discussion, compromise, and agreement are crucial. Good partnering skills and couple strength equal well functioning holiday events. 3. Honor each other’s differences: Often, couples have different customs and religions. Talk with the child about the different religious and/or cultural history. It is important that parents explain well the meaning and significance of each person’s point of view and the holiday. 4. For steps there is more movement and less peace: Movement between homes is just part of the divorce and the step situation. 5. Set a precedent now: Good precedent setting now predicts a smooth future. Plan the holiday as if you were the director of a movie. Apply the five W's -- who, what, where, when and why. Take all contingencies into consideration. 6. Ex’s be civil: Holidays are often times for forgiveness and new beginnings, especially in divorced and step families. Ex spouses, be civil, speak and act respectfully to each other for the well being of the children. 7. Time, energy, and money are clearly defined by the couple: The amount spent on gifts can become a bone of contention for the couple. Expected energy and time contributions can be clear 8. "Ritual Arrivals" make things smoother: We urge parents to create a ritual around the arrival of the children. A predictable gathering together, something like milk and cookies, after the children have put their bags away, gives them a "ritual" upon arrival. Talk to them about the activities planned for your time together. "Ritual Arrival" time diminishes the uncertainty of not having been with each other for a while and creates a procedure for visitation. 9. Get close - create a warm atmosphere: Bake pies, potato pancakes and cookies, or have popcorn by the fire. Do NOT let electronics be the only warm glow in the room. 10. Keep your sense of humor and your vision of the spirit of the holiday: We can choose to create what we envision. |
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AuthorJeannette Lofas, Ph.D, LCSW President and Founder of Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., Dr. Lofas has been managing stepfamilies for thirty years. In 1995 Lofas received a presidential award for her work. Research reports that she has an 84% success rate. A stepchild and stepmother herself, she is considered to be the leading authority on stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas has written five books: Living In Step, McGraw-Hill, Stepparenting, Citadel, How to Be a Stepparent, Nightingale Connant; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, and Tzedakah, Family Rules, Kensington Books.
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