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For divorced fathers who see their children on Father's Day

6/11/2015

 
A FEW TIPS FOR FATHERS OF DIVORCE:

1. Continue to Father. You must continue to teach and guide---even if your time with your child is too short.

2. Exact Good Manners. The father teaches rules of the game, sportsmanship, respect for others, self-discipline and persistence. "We look each other in the eye when we talk, we allow each other to finish talking before we start to talk, we do not interrupt,” and more.

3. Respect. Children must treat their father with respect in order to respect themselves. If you are partnered, know that it is often emotionally difficult for your children to look at and treat your partner, and even you, with respect.

4. Structure and Establish Positive Rules. If you are alone, decide the rules of your house. If you have a new partner, decide together on the rules of "our" house. Check out The Family Rules Book for ideas on how to accomplish this.

5. Honor your Partner’s Point of View. Know your partner's perspective. She may have a different point of view on how your children should act, but remember, women have been teaching social skills since the time of the caveman.

6. Don’t Overindulge. No time to discipline? Beware of becoming a fly-me, buy-me dad; “A Disneyland Dad." You are in good company. Most dads whose children visit are tempted just to be a pal dad. Know that kids need fathering.

7. Be Informed. If there are difficulties, give yourself the gift of information.

8. Do not Badmouth your Ex. If the other parent badmouths you? Teach your kids to handle it. Tell them they must respect both points of view and that taking sides only hurts them.

9. Remember. There are NO ex parents, only ex spouses. Co-parenting with your ex is vital.

10. Have a Happy Father's Day. Just do it!

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    Author

    Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D, LCSW

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    President and Founder of Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., Dr. Lofas has been managing stepfamilies for thirty years. In 1995 Lofas received a presidential award for her work. Research reports that she has an 84% success rate. A stepchild and stepmother herself, she is considered to be the leading authority on stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas has written five books: Living In Step, McGraw-Hill, Stepparenting, Citadel, How to Be a Stepparent, Nightingale Connant; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, and Tzedakah, Family Rules, Kensington Books.

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