Just what is the American family today?

According to the U.S. Census:

• Less than 25% of families are traditional nuclear families.

• 50% are some form of stepfamily    one, or  both,  biological parents has a new partner

• 2 out of 3 break up.

Below are some tips to make it work:

1. Set specific routines for the AM and PM. Prepare for the next day the night before by laying out clothes, homework, and book bags.

2. Rules, forms and norms must be decided by the both of you and written as the House Rules.

3. Decide on your roles as Male and Female Head of House.

4. Go over your House Rules as a couple. Present them for this year together in a family meeting.

5. Create structure with expected manners, chores, responsibilities and positive and negative consequences.

6. Be Predicable.  If you say it! Do it! Make a rule and enforce that rule.

7. As a couple remind and support each other in keeping order and forms and norms.

8. Remember being organized with clear, agreed upon discipline, guidance, love and encouragement is the most important job of the heads of the family.

9. Take your place as leader in your stepfamily. The children win at life when you have the courage do what you need to do to make a happy family. Enjoy the benefits and seeing the kids thrive in the new order.

10.Guard your sense of humor

Rule 23. Remember That Kids Like Rules.

Good rules equal good parenting.

In our research, young people have said time and time again how much they needed family structure and clear guidelines.

Parental Guidance Should Start Young

The guidance you give your child should be age appropriate. A toddler must learn to put his toys away in the toy box before dinner or bedtime. Set boundaries early and “the terrible twos”— and indeed the rest of life—will be easier in a Family Rules home. The sooner we start letting children know, in a loving, caring way, just exactly what we expect of them and where their positions are in the hierarchy of the family, the happier, more successful, and more self-confident they will become.

So, when an eighteen-month-old child doesn’t want to put her toys away, or the two-year-old begins with the classic “No” of the terrible two’s, we must be clear. State the rules, such as “We take out only two toys at a time and put one back before we take out another,” and be prepared to repeat them for the toddler. You need not waste precious time negotiating with him or her. If the toys are on the floor, ask the toddler to put them in the toy box so you can get ready for dinner. If the answer is “No,” the simplest approach is to say firmly, “Toys go in the toy box. . . now.” If there is still no movement, say, “Mommy/Daddy will help,” and take their two little hands, wrap them around the toy to be put away, move with the child to the toy box and together drop the toy in the box. Often the child will then say, “I do it myself.” If not, keep going and then, when the toys are picked up, you praise the child and say, “What a good job you did! Tomorrow I know you will do it all by yourself.”

Rules and boundaries—what is a “yes” and what is a “no”— hold the child in a positive emotional embrace. Did you know that rules and such allegedly outmoded things as curfews give kids a sense of safety and security? Kids also like to test the rules. It’s natural to test. But it’s better to know what the rules are before you try to break them.

Nothing makes it easier to resist temptation than a proper upbringing, a sound set of manners—and witnesses.

Manners are About Respect and Kindness
Manners and etiquette go back to the days of chivalry. Remember King Arthur’s Court? King Arthur decided that he and his knights would sit at a round table as an expression of respect for each other. King Arthur and his knights resolved to set a standard of behavior. Knights were expected to be gallant, honorable, generous, and courteous. Valor, bravery, honesty, protecting the weak, and treating foes benevolently were valued. The ideal knight was known by his gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration, especially toward women. Chivalrous and courtly manners allowed people to get to know each other better, romance each other, and be kind to one another.

Manners are indeed about being kind and not about forks. They are about creating intimacy. Not the stuff of sex, but the stuff that makes you care for and respect someone, whether he be a parent, child, friend, or lover.

What does this have to do with today’s families? Lots, because children imitate the way men and women behave with each other. The let-it-all-hang-out mode of expression has become the name of the game, and it’s regrettable. Today, language is often crude, behavior seems to have little form, and rituals may have become a thing of the past.