The Stepfamily Foundation Inc.
Follow us on:
  • Home
  • About
    • About Jeannette Lofas
    • Stepfamily Statistics
    • Press Release
    • Privacy Policy
  • Blog
  • Counseling
  • Certification Seminar
    • Who should attend the certification seminar?
    • Why should I become a Stepfamily Foundation Certified Counselor or Coach?
    • What are the Benefits of Certification?
    • What will I receive at the Stepfamily Certification Seminar?
    • Topics and Agendas
    • Registration for Stepfamily Certification Seminar
  • Coaches and Counselors
    • Coaches and Counselors in USA
    • Coaches and Counselors in Canada
    • Coaches and Counselors in Europe and more
  • Contact Us
  • Resources
    • Books
    • Podcasts featuring Dr. Jeannette Lofas
    • Start Your Own Stepfamily Support Group
    • Stepfamily Foundation Videos

Tony Robbin's Proclamation Regarding #MeToo Movement

4/26/2018

 
Picture
In a recent Esquire article, Tony Robbins, a self-help guru, made a bold suggestion that some women are using the movement as a way to take advantage of the situation. He said,

“If you use the 'MeToo' movement to try to get significance and certainty by attacking and destroying someone else, you haven't grown an ounce. All you've done is basically use a drug called significance to make yourself feel good."

Shortly after being sharply criticized from many women, Robbins issued an apology in explaining that his intention was to never place any discredit on the movement.



Robbins bespeaks a ground spell of anger that is becoming evident in a variety of men.

As women, we are responsible for the conversation regarding the #MeToo movement. Somehow, without intending, our communication has created enemies and not allies.

As women, we must ask ourselves: what is the best way of communicating? What is the best way of languaging to get the outcome we want?

This specific form of talk has been our quest via our book He's OK, She’s OK and on our Facebook sister page Gender Honoring Differences. Check it out.

Men As Allies

In my practice, a number of men have related that they were selected to attend a diversity training course. When asked about their thoughts, here is what they reported:  

“It was awful.  The facilitator had beaten up on me and my male colleagues.  It boiled down to one accusation: It's all your fault.”

Author Joanne Lipman similarly reports: “I've heard this again and again.  I've seen self-assured, confident men curl into a defensive crouch when the subject of women - or God forbid -  the phrase ‘gender equality’ has come up.”

What's been done has resulted in rage, male-bashing and shaming, according to many. Men are recoiling from what is the current message of diversity.

It is our mission to teach the daunting lessons of male/female communication specifics.  These insights when practiced will furnish delight and positive powerful communication between men and women.  

Stay with us in the "HOW" for more info.

Teens Waking Up In Dread

4/3/2018

 
Picture
In my practice, I am seeing an ever-increasing number of teenagers who are experiencing unpanelled levels of anxiety.

Anxiety to the extent that they skip school won't leave their bedrooms and refuse to participate in any family activities. They are frozen in their fear of any and all that is uncertain.

The fear of being put in an unfamiliar situation, which they either can't handle or might trigger the feelings of anxiety. The slightest adverse event in daily life often leads to their inability to cope.  When anything negative happens, they can't seem to roll with the punches or know how to find the lesson and in the event, in failure.

Experts believe the use of social media and smartphones contributed heavily to the increase in young people's mental health issues.  Social media - the thing we can't live without is making us anxious.

Aside from looking into the predominance of helicopter parents, society placed the notion that we should only feel good about themselves without acknowledging the negativity.  Parents support the notion that children should experience only winnings, not losses. I'm reminded of my grandchild's ballet recital. At the ballet recital, all of the parents were asked to give their child a dozen roses so that would be no winners nor no losers.

In some cases, some students typically avoid a large school cafeteria and asked to eat lunch in a small classroom.

There's a connection between how some schools deal with anxious students who are worried as a generation of young people increasingly insistent on safe spaces – and who believe their feelings should be protected at all costs

For example, The School of Ethical Culture in New York City discontinued all athletic programs because it said they were "too competitive." The pervasive belief is that losing causes the loss of self-esteem.

In a nutshell, it is all about the avoidance of uncertainty and discomfort. More and more students struggle to recover from minor setbacks and are not equipped to problem solve or advocate for themselves effectively a school counselor related.

So what can you do to help your child succeed without placing so much pressure on their life?

We at the Foundation believe that  in order to develop skills to manage kids, they must be willing to fail. As experts tell us, we learn more from failure than we do from success. In pop culture standards, Rocky Balboa once said, “Our greatest glory is not in falling, but rising every time we fall.”

Master's Certification Seminar

2/18/2017

 

Stepfamily Master's Certification Seminar

This is a special invitation.We have had many requests to conduct a Master's Level Certification Seminar. You are the people with whom I will leave my legacy, and who I think can and will make a difference.
 
Tentative dates for two day seminar: Let us know which dates work for you.
Proposed dates: May 21& 22, June 10 & 11,17 & 18 or any weekend in September 
(September is my preference, or a summer weekend )
 
COST $1000: Fees are a tax-deductible contribution to the Stepfamily Foundation, Inc.
You will receive: Stepfamily Master Trainer Certificate
 
WE WILL COVER
  • Advanced Skills and information     
  • Specific issues in your practice     
  • The future of the stepfamily
 
1. INTAKE
  • Talking hypnosis
  • You draw genogram and get basics.  Why?
  • Why intake system... strategy so vital?
 
2. NEW INFORMATION AND ISSUES
  • Dealing with millennials
  • Survival rate: Process of success & failure
  • The stepmother and discipline
  • Stepmothers at home and in the workplace
  • Decoding gender & step
  • The primal/unconscious actions and reactions that destroy
 
3. SKILLS
  • How much listening? How much teaching?
  • When and why stories work
  • Unraveling behaviors classic to each member
  • Bad-mouthing interventions
  • Working with BOTH very different realities and more...
 
4. CREATING A VISION FOR AND BUILDING YOUR PRACTICE
 
5. EVERYTHING ELSE YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW...

How To Spoil Your New Spouse for Valentine’s Day On A Budget

2/15/2017

 

How To Spoil Your New Spouse for Valentine’s Day On A Budget

By: Michelle Peterson
Picture
Photo via Pixabay by Bianamentil
When most of us think of Valentine’s Day, images of heart-shaped candy boxes and a vase full of flowers come to mind. But if you’re newly remarried, this holiday is about much more than that; it’s about making a gesture that is meaningful, something that will make your first Valentine’s Day as a married couple something to remember and cherish.

Thoughtfulness is key, so it’s important to sit down and think about what matters to your new spouse. Letting them know that you put a little thought into the day will go a long way.

Here are a few tips on how to spoil your loved one on the most romantic day of the year without breaking the bank.

Start small

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when planning for a nice gift--especially if you’re on a budget--so start small at first. Pick out several things you know your loved one will enjoy--or something you can enjoy together--and put them in a nice basket or gift bag. You can personalize this gift any way you want; for instance, if you’re both movie lovers, consider buying a couple of DVDs, popcorn, a soft blanket, and some boxed candy (like you find in the theater) and put it all together in a gift basket. Or if your spouse has children, ask your new stepkids to contribute to the gift. Younger kids might provide a drawing while older kids might create a photo collage of the new blended family.

Plan to pamper

Both sexes enjoy being pampered, so plan a spa night at home where you can give your loved one a massage, run a hot bath, and give your full attention to one another. Get creative and do a gentle hand massage with scented lotion, or a scalp massage to soothe and relax. Light some lavender-scented candles and play soft music to set the mood even further.

Eat in


You don’t have to go to a fancy restaurant and drop a couple hundred dollars on a meal and drinks; in fact, most restaurants are booked up on Valentine’s Day or have long waits. Why not skip all that hassle and eat in instead? Plan to cook your loved one their favorite meal and create a romantic atmosphere with candles, music, and a lovely table prepared with fresh flowers and gleaming flatware.

Or, again, if your new family is still bonding, you might invite your stepkids to join you. A fun, relaxing family meal followed by a game night could be a much more fulfilling way to show your love than a candlelit dinner.

Be helpful

One of the kindest things you can do for a loved one is to think of something they’ve been struggling with and find a way to help them out. If they’re too busy to clean up the garage but need the space for a woodworking project, surprise them by having it done when they get home from work. If their job requires them to be on their feet all day, buy gel inserts for their shoes and offer a long foot rub.

Plan a surprise

It doesn’t have to be a big one; small things, such as cutting out construction paper hearts, writing one thing you love about your new spouse on each one, and taping them inside their car while they’re at work are lovely ways to show you care. If you have step-children, this is something they can participate in. Take your favorite photos from the last year and create a photo book on Shutterfly, a meaningful gift they can keep forever.


This article is by Michelle Peterson of Recovery Pride. Her mission is aligned with that of RecoveryPride, which is to celebrate sobriety and those who achieve it.


What Makes a Step Relationship?

8/18/2016

 
What Makes a Step Relationship?

by Dr. Jeannette Lofas 

"Step" relationships occur after the divorce of a couple or the death of a spouse and when there are children from the prior relationship. Heterosexual couple or homosexual couple, married or living together, when children from a prior relationship are involved you've got a step relationship on your hands. And that means you have to work harder to make your relationship with your new partner a success.

The American family as we knew it is no longer . The current American family has become a high-risk stepfamily system; 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.These relationships fail at the rate of two out of three, dramatically affecting all involved . . . especially the children.
​

It is important to be in agreement when dealing with the children. The couple must sit down together and decide how they are going to run their household. The couple must draw up guidelines, operating procedures, rules of conduct, and job descriptions for everyone in the household. Often we need to seek the help of a trained stepfamily counselor to work out impasses. Impasses between the couple can erode couple strength, which is the very foundation of the stepfamily.
<<Previous
Forward>>

    Topics

    All
    Articles
    Children
    Coparenting
    Divorce
    Family Rules
    Fathers
    Gender Differences
    Mothers
    Podcast
    Stepchildren
    Stepfamily Videos
    Stepfathers
    Stepmothers
    Ten Steps For Stepfamilies

    Author

    Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D, LCSW

    Picture
    President and Founder of Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., Dr. Lofas has been managing stepfamilies for thirty years. In 1995 Lofas received a presidential award for her work. Research reports that she has an 84% success rate. A stepchild and stepmother herself, she is considered to be the leading authority on stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas has written five books: Living In Step, McGraw-Hill, Stepparenting, Citadel, How to Be a Stepparent, Nightingale Connant; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, and Tzedakah, Family Rules, Kensington Books.

    Archives

    July 2020
    June 2020
    October 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2017
    August 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    April 2013
    April 2010

    RSS Feed


The Stepfamily Foundation Inc.
310 W.85th Street
New York, NY 10024

(646)789-2525
Email: stepfamilyfoundation@gmail.com
Webmaster: webmaster@stepfamily.org
Picture

Copyright  © 2021  The Stepfamily Foundation Inc.

Site design by Red Lotus Designz