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Kids  Don't Talk: What Are We Doing Wrong As Parents?

7/14/2014

 
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At the Stepfamily Foundation we have two solutions both of which take place at the ritual family dinner:

#1 solution is "The Good News/Bad News" or the "Highs and Lows" protocol.

Here, starting with the male head of household/female head of household/oldest child etc. each person talks about their good news/bad news or highs and lows of the day.

#2 solution is everybody in this family before dinner Google's the Op Ed section of a paper e.g., the New York Times, The Los Angeles, Times Rolling Stone what ever.

One reads and chooses an opinion piece of interest to the whole family. It might be informative and/or controversial. Have an opinion, and be prepared to argue your opinion.

Do not just ask kids, how was their day and focus attention on their concerns. Talk about what you (parents) learned today.

Teach. Honor/share wisdom and differences.

We take a page out of the playbook of the great families of Europe and the United States such as the Kennedys. You will note let's say just reading the biography of Ted Kennedy that at every meal, the kids starting at age seven or eight, had to come to the table with a discussion of some political event and be prepared to argue it. That's why Kennedys are such great speakers.

My parents were divorced when I went to Germany to be with my father and my two half brothers before every meal there was a race for any paper you could find: The Paris Herald Tribune, The Frankfurter Algemeiner or any paper we could get our hands on. We had to talk about something that was written in that paper or an Op Ed. We had to discuss it, defend it, or argue against it.


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    Author

    Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D, LCSW

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    President and Founder of Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., Dr. Lofas has been managing stepfamilies for thirty years. In 1995 Lofas received a presidential award for her work. Research reports that she has an 84% success rate. A stepchild and stepmother herself, she is considered to be the leading authority on stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas has written five books: Living In Step, McGraw-Hill, Stepparenting, Citadel, How to Be a Stepparent, Nightingale Connant; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, and Tzedakah, Family Rules, Kensington Books.

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