Summer Dads

It’s Summer, and If You Are A Divorced Father,  Your Kids Are Visiting

Most children of divorce will be visiting their biological father this summer. The visits range from 2 weeks to two months. Fathers of divorce are generally re-coupled and live today in what is known as a step or blended family.

Fathers look forward to these visits with joy, and often their partners look forward to these visits with trepidation. The new partner is a stepmother, with all the complexities of that title.

We work with many fathers as to how to best handle their children’s summer visits.

Here is some of what we teach:

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10 Steps for Summer Dads

1. Schedule fun times, and schedule times of sharing: dinners all talk about good news and bad news of the day.
2. You and your partner, Male and Female Head of House, work out The Rules of this House.
3. Fathers and stepmothers merge their views. Rules, roles, chores, manners decided on and written,
4. Set specific predictable routines for the AM and PM.
5. Create structure. Be Predicable. Enforce rules. Use and positive and negative consequences.
6. Generally the biological parent disciplines whenever possible. Dad is away: the stepmother says, “in this house your father an I have decided that ....” e.g., those towels go on the rack, dishes go in the dishwasher, coat  gets hung up  etc.
7. Build couple strength. Respect each other's reality/point of view.
8. Remember clear agreed upon discipline, guidance, love and encouragement is a most important job of the heads of the house.
9. Take your place as leaders in your stepfamily. The children win at life when parent and stepparent have clear expectations.
10. Guard your sense of humor.

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We  have 4 basic rules as a starter:

In this house we.....

1. Say hello, goodbye, please and thank you
2. Look people in the eye when talking
3. Allow others to finish their sentences
4. Respect each other in what we say and what we do