Just what is the American family today?

According to the U.S. Census:
• Less than 25% of families are traditional nuclear families.
• 50% are some form of stepfamily one, or  both,  biological parents has a new partner
•  2 out of 3 break up
Some tips to make it work.

1. Set specific routines for the AM and PM. Prepare for the next day the night before by laying out clothes, homework, and book bags.
2. Rules, forms and norms must be decided by the both of you and written as the House Rules.
3. Decide on your roles as Male and Female Head of House.
4. Go over your House Rules as a couple. Present them for this year together in a family meeting.
5. Create structure with expected manners, chores, responsibilities and positive and negative consequences.
6. Be Predicable.  If you say it! Do it! Make a rule and enforce that rule.
7. As a couple remind and support each other in keeping order and forms and norms.
8. Remember being organized with clear, agreed upon discipline, guidance, love and encouragement is the most important job of the heads of the family.
9. Take your place as leader in your stepfamily. The children win at life when you have the courage do what you need to do to make a happy family. Enjoy the benefits and seeing the kids thrive in the new order.
10. Guard your sense of humor.

The Stepfamily Foundation is a not for profit founded in 1976. It provides a membership, research, telephone counseling and Certification Seminars for Professionals and Coaches.

At the Stepfamily Foundation we have two solutions both of which take place at the ritual family dinner:

#1 solution is "The Good News/Bad News" or the "Highs and Lows" protocol.

Here, starting with the male head of household/female head of household/oldest child etc. each person talks about their good news/bad news or highs and lows of the day.

#2 solution is everybody in this family before dinner Google's the Op Ed section of a paper e.g., the New York Times, The Los Angeles, Times Rolling Stone what ever.

One reads and chooses an opinion piece of interest to the whole family. It might be informative and/or controversial. Have an opinion, and be prepared to argue your opinion.

Do not just ask kids, how was their day and focus attention on their concerns. Talk about what you (parents) learned today.

Teach. Honor/share wisdom and differences.

We take a page out of the playbook of the great families of Europe and the United States such as the Kennedys. You will note let's say just reading the biography of Ted Kennedy that at every meal, the kids starting at age seven or eight, had to come to the table with a discussion of some political event and be prepared to argue it. That's why Kennedys are such great speakers.

My parents were divorced when I went to Germany to be with my father and my two half brothers before every meal there was a race for any paper you could find: The Paris Herald Tribune, The Frankfurter Algemeiner or any paper we could get our hands on. We had to talk about something that was written in that paper or an Op Ed. We had to discuss it, defend it, or argue against it.

 Ten Steps for Steps 
 by Jeannette Lofas, PhD, LCSW

Guard your sense of humor!

The step situation is filled with the unexpected. Sometimes we don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Try humor.